Jealousy,Wanting and Wishing
by InkyPenguinScribbles
Summary: Three things that Spock begins to feel, so he ignores them. So someone had to step in


**Wishing**

**No-one is entirely sure what they wish for, not even the infallible Mr Spock. When faced with what he thought he wanted, Spock is forced to consider some inconvenient truths. But inconvenient does not necessarily mean unwelcome. **

There shall be slash (of a Spork nature), so anyone not interested...etc. McCoy is going to become more involved in the following chapters, because who can resist Bones? :)

* * *

_Spock sat, as still as a tree watching a draynid stretch its iridescent wings in the bright sunlight. The purple leaf below it stretched slightly, although the insect seemed not to notice. Spock found some irony in the idea that two predators were watching this sunbathing creature, yet it was so unaware of its imminent capture or death. Spock positioned his specimen gun so that it was facing directly at the unaware draynid, but slowly so as not to upset any of the local flora and allow it to escape. It would-_

"_Spock!" _

_His mother's voice rang out through the trees. The insects wings perked up ready for flight, and Spock pulled the trigger. A bubble of slightly perforated ball of fibre optics encompassed the draynid, flexing to make room for the insects impressive wing span. The purple leaf seemed to sag a little. Spock picked up the ball, listening for a second to the creature buzzing angrily inside. His mother burst through the leaves behind him, her shawl draped over her shoulders, leaving her ebony hair exposed to the elements. Spock could see twigs and leaves caught in it. _

"_Mother, look at this," said Spock, before noticing his mother's rapid breathing pattern, "Are you angry with me?"_

"_Yes," said Amanda, pulling her shawl back over her head, "but I assume you had a good reason for ignoring me."_

"_Indeed," said Spock, holding out the draynid, which was now searching its small cage, "This creature looks like an ordinary dray fly but look at the amount of legs this creature has. Only six, mother. That means that this must be a half breed."_

_Amanda gasped. "Where did you learn that word?"_

"_It is what they refer to me as at school," replied Spock, staring intently as the fibre optics began to scan the little creature. "You and father encourage me to ignore it, but I fail to see the insult. I am only half-Vulcan to them after all."_

"_Oh Spock," sighed Amanda, "You aren't half Vulcan. You're half Human as well, but neither define you. You are Spock, the best of both."_

"_Why did you and father have me?" asked Spock, now looking up from his specimen, "It is a question I have pondered for some time now. Your first two attempts were unsuccessful." Amanda flinched and Spock felt a glimmer of guilt before repressing it for later. "Why did you continue to strive for offspring?"_

"_I don't know, Spock," said Amanda, looking down lovingly at her son, "Because children were important to me and your father, and we wanted one of our own."_

"_Want is irrational," pointed out Spock. Amanda smiled brightly. _

"_One day you will understand Spock."_

A blast of sirens jumped Spock out of his mediation. With impeccable speed, Spock blew out his incense and pulled on his blue science shirt, glad that he had decided to stay in his regulation blacks, rather than take a sonic shower and change into his meditation robe. Spock sprinted out of his room and ran straight into the Captain who was pulling his gold shirt on him.

Ensign Chekov walked out of the room after him, trying to straighten his ruffled hair. Spock noticed that the sleeve of his yellow shirt was practically falling off, and a circle of bruised purple flesh near his collar bone, which would not have been noticeable if his shirt were not ascue. The overlook took less than five seconds but it was long enough that Kirk and Chekov had already sped off, after Kirk had muttered a hurried apology. Spock quickly caught up with the two of them, before entering a turbolift already containing Lieutenant Sulu and Uhura. The trip lasted barely ten second, but it seemed illogically long with the image of Chekov's gaping sleeve and the suspicious bruising filling Spock's mind, to the extent where he had to make sure he wasn't staring.

The siren turned out to be a simple malfunction caused by a tired Ensign stretching and accidently knocking over a full cup of coffee onto the Chekov's control panel. It took Sulu and Uhura combined to keep the fuming Russian from strangling the shaking Ensign. In the commotion, Spock noticed that Ensign Rand was blushing and trying hard not to look over at the commotion. Spock suspected that she was in some way involved in the incident, but decided to reveal the information only if it became pertinent.

Kirk watched the affair with a smirk, before quietly suggesting to Sulu that he take Chekov for a strong drink with Scotty in engineering. The only reason that he said it quietly was because he thought Spock was not aware of the illegal still.

"But then," mused Spock internally, "what kind of Vulcan would allow something as illogical as a still on the _Enterprise?_" The humans revelled in rebellion, and Spock's omission of knowledge seemed to raise crew morale. The only one who was aware was Scotty, who had provided him with a bottle of 'Scotty's Finest' (a name that was debatable to say the least) when he was planning his first (and last) date with Uhura. To say the least, they had never gotten around to drinking, and the bottle was still hidden in Spock's desk.

"Hey, Spock!"

Spock turned to see Kirk smiling broadly at him. "What do you say to a game of chess?"

"I have work to do." Kirk jovially rolled his eyes.

"You _always _have work to do," pointed out Kirk, "I have work to do as well, but it's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake. C'mon, it'll be fun."

Both men stepped into the turbolift, leaving the embarrassed Ensign and Rand to talk in hushed tones at Chekov's sparking desk, as they waited for someone from engineering. A hot wave of a potent emotion stung Spock's eyes, before disappearing due to Spock's regimental control. He traced the emotion back to one that he used to feel when watching other Vulcan children at their Academy: jealousy but it was never this strong before.

Suddenly, Spock realised that the Captain hadn't spoken for the last 2.34 minutes. He turned to see Kirk staring intensely at his face, before turning away in a way that Spock recognised as showing embarrassment. "Officer's quarters," Spock said, as he realised they were holding up the turbolift for others. Kirk immediately began to voice his apologies for staring but Spock quickly assured him that he was not offended.

"Captain," Spock interjected, as he saw Kirk readying for another bout of apologies, "Why was Ensign Chekov in your quarters?"

Kirk bit his lip. "That is," he paused briefly, "I'm sorry Spock I can't tell you. It's private."

Another wave of hot jealousy overtook Spock; this one threatening to break his control to smithereens. It took him precisely 5.5 seconds to regain control of his emotional state; a reasonable time of silence in a conversation yet Spock could feel Kirk's searching eyes on him again. Spock felt nausea building in his stomach, and paranoia that the turbolift was beginning to shrink. The doors opened, and Spock immediately took two long strides out of the Captain's unwavering eyes. Fortifying himself, he turned and faced Kirk who looked confused and...hurt.

"Well, our shift starts in five hours," said Kirk, "And please don't give me the actual time down to the third decimal. I think I'll go and hit the gym; wait for the next disaster."

"I shall return to my room and review the paperwork you sent me," said Spock, noticing the slight stiffness that crept into the Captain's posture whenever Spock mentioned reviewing his work. "I am more than 90% sure that there is nothing wrong with your work, Captain I am simply making sure."

"I thought I told you to call me Jim," said Kirk, "I mean I let the occasional Captain go, but you've said it twice now."

"I was not aware you were keeping score."

"Spock, you said that you were fine calling me Jim outside of work."

"This is work related, Captain."

"Jim." Kirk threw up his hands in the mock human gesture of defeat, before starting to chuckle. "Well, I'll see you."

Spock watched as his Captain walked away before heading to his own quarters. Once inside, he remembered that he had already reviewed and sent off the necessary paperwork for the last mission. Spock frowned. Something was wrong, first this dwelling on the memory of his mother, then the bursts of emotion and now forgetting facts. This was beyond strange and not for the first time, Spock speculated what it would be like if there were more Vulcan/Human's so he could know if this was normal. He considered a trip of McCoy but deemed it unnecessary. McCoy was a last resort at the worst of times; his gruff attitude and constant arguing was enough to turn any sane, peaceful Vulcan to commit murder with a smile on their face.

No Spock concluded as he relit his meditation candles, this was nothing. Spock had made mistakes before; it was not beyond any race. Perhaps he merely needed some rest and meditation. A memory fluttered through Spock's mind: his mother telling him that all he needed to get through a rather severe case of Germanic Flu was a strong cup of tea, his father telling her how illogical it was that she could assume that a cup of tea could solve their son's infection as tea had little medicinal purposes, and his mother playfully accusing Sarek of being worried for their son.

Sarek curled his middle two fingers around his mother's and bent over to give her a human kiss as well. It was a few days later when Spock's focus had returned to him that he noticed his father had not denied feeling worry.

Spock sat on his meditation mat, and breathed in the lingering scent of incense. His body silently urged him to sleep, but Spock was aware that he could allow himself half an hour before rest was necessary. He thought about the two memories in tandem and after 10.4 minutes he located a correlation between the two.

Children.

Was it possible that Spock was subconsciously considering having children?

The idea was plausible, if nothing else. Mating was something that even Vulcans could not avoid; it was almost inevitable for someone who had lost more than three quarters of his population.

A vague sense of adrenalin began to burn at the back of Spock's mind and he was reminded of the second unexplainable incident: the incident with the Captain and Ensign Chekov, or more accurately, his response. It took 2.3 minutes less time to find an answer for this patch of irregular emotional control: Chekov was almost an apprentice of sorts, working on various equations, scenarios and experiments with Spock whenever they both had a significant amount of spare time. This coupled with Chekov's young age (he was almost a child by Vulcan standards) may have awoken a paternal desire to defend the young Ensign, against the sexual predator of James Kirk.

Spock wearily stood up, refreshed after this bout of problem solving was behind him. The question of his memory was easily written off as a slight error on his part, if it repeated (which was unlikely) it was a challenge for another day. Changing into sleeping clothes, Spock lay down in his bed and turned up the temperature of his room to a comfortable level, as opposed to the colder one he forced upon himself so that he might always be alert.

As Spock gradually descended into sleep, he heard Kirk enter his room. Their rooms had an interconnecting bathroom, for convenience between First Officer and Captain, and due to his preternatural Vulcan hearing, Spock could occasionally hear the Captain moving around in the next room. Spock remembered nothing about hearing Kirk moving around in his room, but if anyone had been watching him, they would have noticed a softening in his features and a small upward curve of the lips as the descended into ordered, dreamless sleep.


End file.
